Allow me to introduce the next example of "Words that are technically being used correctly, but don't make any damn sense". I introduced the concept in a previous entry with the word "Terrific" (which is just like "Horrific", but somehow... good).  Today's word is:

Incredible.

I am sure you use it, and hear it used all the time.  "You're incredible", "That movie was really incredible", "Craig Coffey is absolutely incredible!", etc.  The meaning, in this context, being "amazing" or "awesome".  But... look at the word!  No, wait... first, let's look at some other similar words:

• inedible - not edible
• intolerable - not tolerable
• infallible - not fallible
• inscrutable - not scrutable
• insane - not sane

Ok, now I am sure that even the slowest members of the audience can see where I am going with this.  There is no question about it, "incredible" means "not credible".

I don't know about you, but when someone says that something is not credible, I generally consider that a bad thing.  But, somehow, somewhere along the line, incredible changed its meaning to: "so amazing as to be unbelievable".  Sure... you can see the connection, but c'mon... this is a stretch.  As with the word "terrific", it does open up some possibilities for insulting people to their face without them knowing it though...

Me: You are terrific!

Boss: Stop... I'm blushing.

Me: No! I mean it... you really are incredible!

Boss: Here... have a raise.

That might come in kinda handy.  Like a verbal weapon, to be used in those rare situations where it is not a good move to say things like:

"I hate you!  I hate you more than mere words can describe!  If each ounce of hatred were a grain of sand, my hatred for you would be a galaxy filled with dessert planets all baking under an angry sun!  I hope your car breaks down on the way home, and you are eaten alive by hungry squirrels!"

What can I say?  I have the soul of a poet (I keep it in a jar).

Granted, the word "incredible" doesn't quite provide the same level of satisfaction, but it helps take a bit of the sting out of some situations.  And, as a bonus, you get to remain employed/married/alive/etc.

Now, as valuable as it is to use a good word in bad ways, I cannot help but wonder if it's possible to twist a bad word into a good one using the same logic.  Put differently, would it be possible to insult somebody and make them believe it was not insulting?...

Co-worker: I heard what you said about me!

Me: Oh... You're welcome.

Co-worker: That's right! You better apolog-- wait... what?

Me: I said, you're welcome.

Co-worker: But... you told everyone that I was retarded!

Me: Yes, but "retarded" means "delayed", and "delayed" means "deferred", and "deferred" means "Committed or entrusted to another".  So, you see, I was merely pointing out that you were worthy of our trust.

Co-worker: Oh... um... ok... um... thanks then.

Me: You're welcome, retard.

Haha... that would be great!  This type of English anomaly is totally cool!  It's like having a language within a language; one that only we understand.  I suppose we could just speak Latin to each other, but that might just make us seem like pretentious douchebags (and we wouldn't want that!).

Besides... I don't know Latin.  So I guess we'll just have to stick with Plan A.

But I can't keep referring to everyone that I dislike as terrific and incredible all the time.  I am certain that even the densest of them might begin to catch on after a month or so.  Thus, our path is clear.  We need to find more of these wonderfully malleable words.  Perhaps one day, we will build an arsenal of oratory stealth weaponry with which to wage battle against our enemies.

Until then we will just have to persevere.

Or just use standard insults.

Whichever.