We have two cars, a family car, and a station car.  But, while we bought the station car, we decided to lease the "family" car.  The theory here was that my wife Karrie would always have a car that is in good working condition, and under warranty.  But, in reality, I cannot deny that I really like having a new car every three years simply because it's cool.

Our lease on the latest family car was expiring at the end of November so, last Sunday, we decided it was high-time we went to the dealership to look at our options.  Above all else, I definitely wanted to make sure the car had Microsoft SYNC.  I would have cheerfully traded other, less important, portions of the vehicle, such as the engine, to ensure that it had this option.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with SYNC, it is a system that is integrated with the car that allows you to use voice commands to control your cell phone and media player (among other things).  It is, likely, the greatest invention mankind will ever see.

I think the thrill for me is that I get to talk to my car.  I mean, I really hate talking to actual people;  most of them make me want to do something violent.  So, talking to something I know is supposed to be stupid is very rewarding by comparison.  It's quite remarkable how the same conversation can have dramatically different results.  My conversations with the car go something like this:

Me: Call Bob

Car: Call Bob Smith?  At home? or on his mobile?

Me: Home

Car: Calling Bob Smith at home.

Me: Holy shit!  This is awesome!

Whereas, a similar human conversation typically goes like this:

Me: Call Bob

Person: Bob?  Who's that?

Me: Bob Smith?  Your father?

Person: OH... right... sure... that Bob...

Me: So...?

Person: What?

Me: Call him.

Person: Who?

Me: Nevermind.  Call 911, there's about to be a homicide.

Humans suck.

As soon as I got the car home I spent over an hour just sitting in it, in the driveway, having a nerdgasm.  As I played with all the wonderful toys, I was surprised to discover just how different my decision making paradigm is when it comes to car shopping for the family car versus the station car.

I basically bought a family car that has every feature available to a car that hasn't been on "Pimp My Ride".  Heated seats, heated mirrors, 6 CD entertainment system, Sirius satellite radio, etc.  There is even a button to change the color of the lighting in the cup holders.  Ok, that last part requires restating:

There is a button whose sole purpose is to change the color of the lights in the cup holders!

Holy shit people!  Some engineer actually spent their valuable time designing that feature?  I wonder if that's how they settle bets at the Ford Engineering Headquarters. "Hah!  You lose Fred!  I get to design the anti-lock braking system!  You have to design the lighting for the cup holders!"

Now, when I was shopping for the station car, the list of required features was a bit different...

Salesman: So... would you like the sports package?

Me: No

Salesman: How about the CD entertainment system?

Me: No

Salesman: Power locks?

Me: Listen... Does it have four tires and an engine?

Salesman: Sorta.

Me: I think we're done here.

My station car has, precisely, the following features:  A sexy golden(ish) color, an AM/FM radio (with cassette), automatic transmission, and an engine(ish).  It is not pretty, it doesn't talk to me, and it couldn't go over 80mph if it was hurled off a cliff, but it has served to transport me from my home to the train and back for over seven years.  So, I am happy with it.  When this car finally dies on me, I will probably buy another one that looks exactly like it, and has the same list of features.

And, although the station car doesn't actually talk to me, we still have conversations.  For instance, when the "Check Engine" light comes on, I always say "Listen... I am not taking you into the mechanic, so quit your whining.  If you break down on me, I am not going to get you fixed, I am going to take you to the scrap yard.", and the light promptly turns off.

No, my poor old station car may not have SYNC to give it a voice, but it still talks to me in it's own sad way.