I haven’t blogged in around two months, which I am truly sorry for. I wish I at least had a good excuse for it. I’d really love to say that I haven’t had the time because I was:
- Opening a soup kitchen
- Spending some quality time with my “little brother”
- Or even… Working on the cure for stupidity
But, unfortunately, none of these are the case. No, I don’t have a really good excuse for neglecting my blog. For, you see, the real reason I have done almost nothing of value in my life lately is that I have started playing World of Warcraft (WoW) again, and when WoW beckons me, I am unable to resist its urgent call.
For those of you that have never heard of WoW, I have two reactions:
Pity: The level of ignorance to the world around you that you need to demonstrate to be completely unaware of a videogame played by 9 million people worldwide is… quite frankly… staggering. I pity you and pray that you have had the good sense not to procreate.
Jealousy: You lead a healthy, albeit ignorant life while I am bound to this game like a thrall to a powerful vampire lord… I am jealous of your free and uncomplicated life… but I still hope that you choose not to breed.
Let me see if I can briefly summarize the WoW experience for the uninitiated. Like all games of this type, you start a character and pick the basic traits: Race, Class, Appearance, etc.. Then you head out into the world to seek adventure which usually equates to doing quests that follow the same general pattern:
<insert character name here>!!! I need your help! My <mother, father, lover, goldfish> is dying, and can only be saved by a <potion, salve, cheeseburger> of great healing power! I have all the ingredients, except the <bat spleen, boar colon, 1/2 cup sugar>… please go kill <10, 100, 100000> creatures until you find the necessary ingredient!
Rewards: 1 silver and a [Bat Spleen Cheeseburger of Greater Healing]
You repeat quests like this until you go up a level, you get more powerful, and then you do it all again (with bigger bats and boars). It has a certain mind-numbing comfort to it.
Now, before you hardcore WoW players out there spill your highly-caffeinated beverages all over your cheetos-crumb-encrusted gaming keyboards in collective apoplexy, yes… I know it’s more complicated than that. But I am not writing a guide on how to play the game, just a blog entry to make fun of it, so sit down before you accidentally do something that resembles exercise.
Where was I? Mind-numbing… right…
I like the soothing banality of it all. I spend the whole day thinking about stuff… important stuff… stuff that has an impact on the company I work for and the lives of the consumers around the country. There’s a certain refreshing stupidity to spending four hours with nine other people fighting our way through a dungeon that is crawling with hate-filled flesh-eating demons just so I can get a new pair of pants (they are very nice pants).
And, in case that scenario doesn’t sound quite bad enough, I have spent hours — HOURS I said!! — doing nothing but… fishing.
*Craig clicks the “cast” button, and the bobbin sails through the air to land with a satisfying splash in the small pond*
*After a brief wait, the bobbin dips in the water, and Craig clicks on it to retrieve the fish*
[You have caught 1 fish]
[Your fishing skill has gone up by 1 point]
[Your ability to find a mate has gone down by 1 point]
*Craig’s smile fades*
This game is pure evil; anyone that tells you otherwise probably works for the company that sells it. Everything in it is designed to enthrall impressionable young kids… and dirty old men like me. For example, I fired up the character creator with the intention of creating the best looking, and worst looking female character that I could. Here are my results:
How are simple folk like me expected to resist?
So, for now at least, I play WoW every night. And this eats into the time I used to use for blogging (and chores, and spending time with the family, and eating, and personal hygiene, and sleeping… etc.). In fact. the only reason I am blogging right now is because the servers are down for maintenance.
But, I promise that I will devote more time to the important things in my life. I vow to break the hold that this game has on me, and to return to the life I used to have! I will not let this game– Ooh! Servers are back up! Gotta go. Bye.