Let's get something straight right from the start. I was not an English Major in college. I would spell many words incorrectly were it not for the advent of the spell checker. I use semi-colons with reckless abandon. I am a huge fan of run-on sentences, and I use entirely too many commas, and ellipses...
Therefore, I am not trying to imply in any of my rants that I am the pinnacle of English perfection. It's just that there are WAY too many examples of the English language gone horribly wrong for me to ignore. It seems evident to me that during its long journey through time English frequently zigged when it should have zagged.
As a responsible English-speaking citizen, I feel it is my duty to bring these departures from normality to light. Which brings us to our first victim, the word: "Terrific". This simple list demonstrates my dilemma:
- Horror = Bad
- Terror = Bad
- Horrible = Bad
- Terrible = Bad
- Horrific = Bad
- Terrific = Fabulous
Dictionary.com confirms the problem, since it's definition sounds distinclty bi-polar:
- Very good or fine; splendid: a terrific tennis player.
- Awesome; astounding: drove at a terrific rate of speed.
- Causing terror or great fear; terrifying: a terrific wail.
- Very bad or unpleasant; frightful: a terrific headache.
Sure... there are days that I feel "very good", and others (far more frequently) that I feel as if I am "causing terror or great fear". Come to think of it, it is damn convenient to be able to use the same word to describe either mood...
But that's not the point!
The point is that this poor word was lead astray. At some point, "Terrific" was abused in a way that forever altered it's meaning... but not all the way... it was doomed to be stuck in this limbo state.
Once, long ago, it was there, cheerfully being used exclusively to describe gruesome accidents involving brutal dismemberment and disembowelment:
Person A: Oh my God! What a terrific accident!
Person B: Is that a spleen?
And then one day it wakes up and BAM! It's ALSO being used to describe the tangy flavor of Aunt Bea's potato salad:
Person A: Aunt Bea's tangy potato salad is just plain terrific!
Person B: Is that a spleen?
I say we embrace the ambiguous nature of this word, and use its power for good! Just think about it! Insulting people is so much more fun when they aren't even aware of it!
You're saying "You are terrific!" to someone you dislike and smiling, because you know that what you really mean is "You are very bad, unpleasant and yes... even potentially frightful" and yet they are none the wiser. Try it... they may even THANK you!
