The older I get, the more I feel like I am becoming a caricature of a cranky old curmudgeon; sitting on my porch, in my rocking chair, shaking my cane at those "troublesome youngsters" on my lawn.
So, I guess you could say that I am not exactly "street-wise". More specifically, I am not fluent in the lingo of the street. Many words and phrases that are used by hipper people than I (that constitutes just about everyone) confuse the hell out of me.
I think I am just too damn logical to "get it". I mean, I usually understand, in a linguistical sense, what these words and phrases mean. But I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why anyone would use them in the ways that they do.
Ok, now I am sure you are just dying to know what the hell I am talking about, so let me give you an example. I am going to reach WAY back now, and start with and old example... the word "Dope". It's old enough to be out of circulation, but not old enough to have come back in yet. It'll probably make a triumphant return about the same time mullets do.
To many of you, this word probably only means "Idiot", as in:
"That guy's a real dope!"
But through the years, it has also meant "Drugs", and more specifically "Heroin":
"That dope's doing dope!"
But it doesn't stop there! No, it has also meant "Great", or "Awesome":
"That dope's doing dope! That's dope!"
And, while I was looking all this up, I discovered that in the South, they sometimes refer to Cola as "dope":
"That dope dropped dope into his dope! That's dope!"
You see how this can get confusing.
I believe this confusion stems from the fact that the meaning of many of these words and phrases is partially based upon their context. In one situation, it can mean one thing, whereas in another situation... it can mean something entirely different.
This leads me to the catalyst for this entry.
It all started with a quiet lunch in the cafeteria at work. One of the people I went to lunch with... let's call him Paco... Paco was recently married, and was telling us all about the meal that his lovely wife had prepared for him the previous evening. The conversation went something like this:
Paco: Man, last night, at dinner?... She really threw down!
Me: She... um... fought you?
Paco then adopted a patient, yet amused expression. The kind of look I picture on the face of a German father when his son mistakenly uses the word "Gerspinkdensteidt" instead of "Frachtenspiegledorf" (A common mistake in German),
Paco and his friend... Pedro... then calmly explained to me that "throw down", in that context, meant that she cooked him a good meal. What a jackass I am! Of course it does! (that was sarcasm there)
So, if I am to believe Paco and Pedro, then it would seem that "throw down", depending upon the situation it is used in, could mean:
- To engage a foe in combat to the death
- To cook a loved one a really tasty meal
I'm sorry, but isn't this just a tad ambiguous? I mean, maybe their wives are more even tempered than mine, but I certainly wouldn't want to ask Karrie to "throw down" while she had a carving knife in her hand if I knew that the interpretation of what that actually meant was subject to her whim at that moment.
While I am sure that, most of the time, the result would be favorable, there are some times that she might just decide to interpret it both ways and make a delicious meal involving several tender organs that I'd rather not part with.
But, it's not just "throw down" that worries me. There are many other phrases that, if misused, could lead to situations that are uncomfortable at best. For instance, while your wife's new dress may truly make her look "PHAT", I would caution you against pointing that out to her. And, your new suitcase may very-well be "da bomb", but I would highly recommend against announcing that while going through airport security.
You could play the game, and try to speak this odd language. But, I recommend you do what I do, and completely avoid these colloquial land-mines. Just speak good old-fashioned plain English.
Oh, and get a cane.
